Miss Manners on Surprise Vacation Etiquette Snag

A family’s generous plan for a surprise Christmas vacation has sparked an etiquette dilemma, as detailed in a recent advice column, leaving parents out of pocket and questioning why anyone would decline such an offer. The situation, shared anonymously with etiquette expert Judith Martin, known as Miss Manners, highlights tensions around unannounced family gatherings and adult autonomy.

The couple described taking their grown children, grandchildren, and even friends on several enjoyable trips in the past. Eager to continue the tradition, they booked nonrefundable tickets for a holiday getaway intended as a festive surprise. However, their daughter informed them that her husband had declined to participate, providing no reason for his decision. In solidarity, the daughter also opted out, leaving the parents facing significant financial loss without any offer of reimbursement from the couple.

Miss Manners responded with characteristic insight, noting that even if she could speculate on the son-in-law’s motives, such explanations are often unwelcome. She emphasized a broader principle: surprises that disrupt adults’ schedules without prior consultation rarely land well. “Nor,...