Miss Manners on paying at celebrations and a restaurant baby shower

An expectant mother wrote to longtime etiquette columnist Miss Manners recently after learning that two friends had planned a restaurant baby shower in which each guest is asked to pay for her own food and drink. The woman said she had initially declined multiple offers to host a shower, then agreed when two persistent friends insisted; she provided a guest list and registry information but did not take part in organizing the event. She received the same invitation as other guests and said she was mortified at the prospect of being the guest of honor at a celebration that requires guests to pay for themselves while also bringing gifts.

Miss Manners told the writer she had been wise to demur when friends first offered to host. She advised that, if financially possible, offering to cover the bill for all attendees would be the most gracious, if costly, remedy, noting that simply making such an offer might prompt the hosts to rethink their plans. Miss Manners also recommended greater scrutiny before accepting an event: guests of honor should try to determine the scope and format of any planned celebration to avoid surprises, and she suggested more modest venues, such as a local...